Talking Stones
by Scottea
Summary: There is that time between the having a nightmare and waking up where there is confusion, the confusion James Kirk was in. That time when one word can ruin everything and that time with one word can fix everything. That time when the word friend has real meaning and a time when the word friend is used as a guise.
1. Chapter 1

When Captain James Kirk awoke in that room for the thirty-first day he knew that this was going to be the defining day of the hearing. Over the past thirty days he had listened to the many testimonies about his performance as a captain of a starship and of how he related to the crew of his ship. His ship. Did he still have a ship?

As had happened every morning since the incident he found he had more questions than answers and his thoughts were far too jumbled. He had had it all and lost it all.

Five times during the hearing he had heard the recording of himself giving the order to fire on the freighter. He heard the voice he knew was his but one he did not recognize as his voice. There had been no warning given, no attempt to save the ten men that had been the crew. His order to fire had an air of excitement, command, and dominate superiority to it. The voices of those on the bridge could be clearly heard advising him against it and he had said not to question him as he was the captain. Foreign voices, voices of those who were there are part of a crew exchange Command had ordered. He had not heard from any of his crew apart from the two senior officers who had remained on that ship and whose testimonies had been heard but neither of them had been allowed to actually see him until today.

This would be the first chance he would have to at least see McCoy and Scotty. They were there to answer any questions that might have arisen following the statements they had made earlier. He had hoped that some of the others would be there but all he was sure of was that Scotty and McCoy would be there.

As he sat waiting for the escort to the hearing he thought over the events of the month long exchange of senior crew that Command had thought would be a good trial for the future transferring in emergency situations of senior crew members. It was to see how quickly the crew of one starship would mesh with another captain and crew. While he got the whole bridge crew of an older starship that was to be decommissioned the members of his bridge crew were away at various locations and, he closed his eyes and shook his head as he recalled the events that took place during their last meeting, Spock was permanently transferred off the ship and was said to be working in Command's main science complex.

What had made him so pleased to be part of the exchange was that he would have the crew that had an old academy friend as their captain. He had been curious as to how different their methods might be after all this time. The Thomas Ward that he remembered was one to follow orders with no question or deviation and yet would help him find a loophole so that they could try their own ways of solving a problem. Of all the people he knew at the time it had only been Ward who remotely suspected him of doing something so he could pass the Kobayashi Maru test.

They had those four days at Command to get the crew members who were to be part of the exchange sorrted and to talk before the month long trial took place. As the whole concept had been put to Command almost a year before he was granted the right to have his entire bridge crew on the Enterprise: his Communications Officer, Helmsman, Navigator, First Officer, and Science Officer were to be the senior crew on the Enterprise. At first he had been uneasy with none of his own senior bridge crew aboard but knew it was only for five weeks and Command had said that his crew need not go to the same ship or even necessarily to any ship as they had often had to serve on different ship and been proven to adjust quickly to new leadership and meshing in with another crew. He had left it up to Spock as to where Uhura, Chekov, Sulu, and himself went as he wanted more time to catch up with his old friend. Ward had passed a comment about how he had relied on Spock to do it and he had said he trusted him and his decisions more than he trusted his own. Ward had smiled and said that was good as it gave them more time together. For those four days they did a lot of drinking together and he had not had a meal with any of the others as he and Ward talked about the past and what the coming month would be like. He had not thought that after four days of being with Ward he could have reacted as he had to a simple questions from Spock that would change his life so much. He would have said it was impossible for anything to change him so much that he would have said what he did to Spock, would have ever treated him as he had.

No, he would not think of that. It still hurt too much to remember that. He felt, as he had for several days now, that he could not think clearly. Too many unanswered questions kept returning. His mind was racing and he seemed unable to catch up or slow it down. So many thoughts and memories of the last thirty days colliding in his mind, tangling and untangling, confusion and clarity. A part of him saying that when Spock left so did the better part of him and another part saying Spock had held him back while a third part said that Spock completed him in non-carnal ways nobody else could ever understand

There was no denying that Ward's crew had all been competent at their roles and nothing seemed all that unusual. He had had to admit that they were not up to the level of his own crew but then Spock was the driving force for that. Spock had been the one always encouraging them to learn more, helping them learn and experience more. It had been so different, and to a degree difficult, to have both a Science Officer and a First Officer after Spock always being there, always been the two in one. The exchange crew had also been more insistent that he really follow McCoy's orders regarding eating and drinking than his own crew was.

Twice in the first fourteen days he had gone to see McCoy as he had a dull headache that he could not shake and all Bones had said was it was a mental readjustment to the situation on the bridge. He clearly remembered how, on the last time he had seen and spoken with McCoy, he had flared at him for defending Spock, when McCoy had said how Spock would be better at saying what was wrong with him than he was. McCoy had taken blood tests the first three times he had gone but on the last two times he had gone McCoy had treated him more like a seriously ill patient by taking many readings and samples.

It was obvious that neither Scotty nor McCoy could understand why the results of the tests were normal when they both told him that he was not himself. Over the last week aboard the ship he had seen them exchange glances quite often and knew they were thinking of Spock, not just from the medical aspect but also Scotty had said how useless the exchange crew were in Engineering and that whoever were at the helm and navigation stations were as useful as single drop of water was to putting out a fire on the sun.

It would be good if he could have some time alone with Scotty and Bones but he knew that would not be possible. He knew there was so much evidence against him to allow him any private time or close contact with them. All the scans and tests that had been done on the ship's medical equipment had been normal which seemed to surprise the medical staff and not just McCoy and Scotty. Scotty and his officers had also been surprised that the scans and tests done in Engineering had also been clear of any faults.

The more he thought of his emotional outburst at Spock in front of so many on the bridge the more unease he felt. The more he calmly thought about it the more lost and alone he felt. It had been there, the way that Spock had looked at him, said nothing for a moment and then said, "I will take my leave of you, Captain James T. Kirk, as that is your expressed wish. May you live long and prosper." he had raised his hand as he had spoken then slowly turned and walked away.

He clearly remembered looking around the bridge and seeing the looks on the faces of both his crew and the exchange crew. He remembered how Uhura calmly took the earpiece out of her ear, handed it to the officer who was to man her station, and said to him, "I am sure, Captain Kirk, that you will be able to find a Communications Officer to replace me as well, Sir." before she walked to the turbolift. For a moment there had been almost a stunned silence then Chekov stood, lightly touched the control board he had been sitting behind before saying to the officer taking over his position, "It is yours." and Kirk heard him say, almost spit out, "Cossack." as he walked by him. Sulu had just sat ramrod straight and still for a moment then slowly stood, turned and looked at him, "I have another place to be. It is your bridge, Sir. I will miss what it was." before leaving. Scotty had just shaken his head, "Me bairns need me more than you, Sir." and then McCoy just looked at him before walking over to him, placing a hand on his shoulder, giving it a little squeeze, "I think I feel sorrier for you than I do for Spock. He can go to Vulcan and have all that emotional stuff, all his memories of you and that wonderful thing you two had, removed but you have to live with what you just said and did to him and yourself for the rest of your life."

He remembered the odd feeling he had had when he had seen the look of the exchange crew. While total disbelief had been on the faces of his crew on their faces had been looks of satisfaction. Then he had not thought of it, then it had only been the reaction of his crew that bothered him. Surely his crew, his friends, had seen how justified he had been to correct Spock for such wanton insubordination. For just the briefest of moments he had felt, from the way they had looked at him, that he had done something so wrong, something totally unforgivable, but he was sure, at that moment, that he had been right to say and do what he had.

No, the unease was not due just to how the others had reacted to his outburst but to how strangely on edge he had been for so long before the outburst and how greatly ashamed he had briefly felt immediately afterwards. He paused, no, it was far more than just ashamed. He had felt almost like some impenetrable wall had sprung up between him and Spock, like there was a strange barrier between his bridge crew and himself. Aloneness. Lonliness. That had been it. He was suddenly so totally alone. More alone than he could remember ever feeling before even though there were others there looking at him. So many, perhaps too many, times in the past he had been able to go to Spock and talk. Spock was no longer there. He could not remember ever feeling so alone.

Two nights ago, in his sleep, he had heard that beloved baritone say seven words, _"Jim, talking memory stones, farewell my t'hy'la._ ". From how soft and slow the words were said he had just thought it a dream and yet the more he thought of it the more that strange sense of unease grew.

Why would Spock mention talking memory stones? He remembered years ago being in Spock's quarters and seeing two beautiful uniquely shaped stones and Spock had said how they were talking stones. Special stones unique to Vulcan and to Vulcans as they could hold the words of the Vulcan who held them for up to one standard year. They were largely used to remember random events in even more precise detail than the normal Vulcan memory could in time of conflict or inner turmoil and could help a Vulcan be reminded of those minor things that only lightly touch the mind or just a place to store random thoughts. He had said how only the Vulcan who had been joined with the stones and those linked to the owner could access them through saying a special word.

No, as he thought about it he was certain it had been a dream as Spock's voice had been too soft and what he had said was too illogical, too disjointed, to have been real. He was also aware of being aware, since he woke after that dream, of a dull headache-like sensation, a feeling he expected would pass once this final day of his hearing was over.

Gawd. He got up and paced, trying to think logically. What if Spock were there today? What if the others were all there? He had not really been concerned about where they had gone and he realized it had been because he knew that Spock would have seen to it they went to where they could learn more. He had had no contact with them since they left the ship. That was one thing that that Vulcan was fanatical about, trying to expand the knowledge and skill base of the crew. All the time that Vulcan was watching out for the crew in so many ways, he had a basic knowledge about all of them and after his tirade at Spock there on the bridge before so many he had found out how much the crew respected that Vulcan. When what he had said and done to that Vulcan became known the whole atmosphere on the ship seemed to change. There was no longer any casually friendly greeting from the crew he passed in the halls, a quiet would settle on any recreational room he walked into, it was as though he was an outsider on his own ship.

That Vulcan. When had he started to refer to Spock as that? Thomas Ward had called Spock that. Only now did he realize that whenever Ward had said it he had always said in it a derogatory manner, he realized that Ward never actually said Spock's name, only that Vulcan.

No. No, the others might be there, might even have given favorable statements about him and their years working as his senior officers but Spock would not be there. The way he had left had been final. That tirade had destroyed whatever had been between them, what had made them such a team. He had been acutely aware of how, whenever he was around either McCoy or Scotty, they had never mentioned him. Since that tirade they had only spoken to him about matters strictly to do with his health and the ship. He had also been vaguely aware how there was also always one of the exchange crew there.

The others could be there as they were close to Command. It had been Spock's doing and he had done what was right for Sulu, Chekov, and Uhura. His last duty as First Officer of the Enterprise had been to see that for the month of the exchange they were placed where they could learn more, experience more, so that when they returned to the Enterprise they could pass on new skills and knowledge. Sulu was helping with the design and test flying of new shuttle craft, Chekov was being trained in the latest navigational systems within Starfleet, and Uhura was helping design new communications systems for both outside transmissions and within a craft.

The one thing he was sure of was that Thomas Ward would be there to vouch for his character as he had known him for so long. His old friend knew what he was like, would have heard from his own crew what he was like. Yes, he was sure that Ward would know what had gone so wrong for him. Ward had been with him through that hearings about the way he passed that no-win scenario test, had been with him when he had been given assignment to the Republic while Ward had to wait another two years for an assignment. They had long joked about one day being captains of starships and they had become that although while he got the Enterprise Ward had to wait again and then got one due to be decommissioned within three years of him being captain. While they did not hear from one another all that often Kirk smiled as he knew they heard about one another through the different updates from Command.

When he looked at the clock beside the bunk he realized he had time to once more hear the recording of the order he had given to fire on the freighter. Maybe if he could still his mind and listen he would hear something he had not heard before. Perhaps all the turmoil of his thoughts was blocking him from hearing what was there. There was no mistaking it was him. He had identified himself and stated he would fire on them. What he did not understand was why he had fired on them when they heard back from the ship confirming it was a Federation freighter taking biodegradable substances to one of the agricultural outposts to be used as fertilizer. What he did not understand was why he had not heard any of the crew telling him not to fire.

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A/N Thanks for reading. Very wet and cold day - the rain gods clearly know when I am out walking the dog and am a good half hour jog from home as they delight in turning the cold tap on full. . . . . Take care and have fun.


	2. Chapter 2

As Kirk continued pacing as he awaited being taken to the hearing he knew that experts would most likely be finished going through the Enterprise. They would have examined all recordings, all equipment, searched all rooms and areas, and reported on their findings. They would have talked with all the crew, with all those where the Enterprise had been docked at the start of the exchange of crew and all recording made there as well as where the ship was presently docked. He knew he had been observed and studied by the medical staff since the incident as well as since they had been at Command. All his records would be thoroughly gone through and everybody he had had contact with would have been talked with if not investigated. No matter what the outcome he knew his career was over as it was his voice that ordered an unarmed ship to be fired on. It had been his actions that had cost the lives of ten officers.

He sat still as he realized the one thing that was keeping him steady was a breathing routine that Spock had taught him so long ago. Just for a moment he wondered what Spock would think of his present predicament but then again heard the words he had said to him when he left the bridge after that tirade, "take my leave of you" which translated, at least in his mind, to the fact he was leaving him for good, no longer cared what happened to him. Yet there was still that tiny place in his mind where he had felt Spock's reassurance before. There had always been that subtle baritone voice reassuring him and helping him to remain calm. There was still that place but his savage tirade had left it empty, vacated by the one who had known him better than he knew himself. who had thought him to be a better person than he felt he was.

The thought of Spock thinking about him or caring about him again seemed to mock him as he remembered how he had been that last time. That last time that those on the panel had seen and heard when they reviewed all that had happened on the bridge. Even as he heard again what he had said to Spock he could not believe he could have ever said those words to him. He knew that he had not been himself to have ordered the firing on the freighter but to ever have said what he had said to Spock was, to him, totally unforgivable. The accusatory looks that some of the panel gave him had been nothing compared with the looks his bridge crew had given him and their reactions. Even the looks from the crew were nothing to what he saw when he looked in a mirror. All those looks could not erase the look he had seen on that face so many said never showed any emotion.

When he had entered the hearing room he saw not only the exchange crew there with Ward but also his five senior officers. A part of him was saddened by Spock not being there but he understood the importance he put on what he said and he had said "take my leave of you". With those words Spock had so clearly said he was leaving him.

One by one his bridge crew had had to stand and first identify themselves and then answer the same three questions and each of them answered without ever looking at him and with few but precise words. Chekov had been first and had looked right at him as he answered the three questions. "The Keptin is a good commanding officer. How he treated Mister Spock was because of the others, especially that lozhnyy drug who made him think as he did and act as he did. I want to go back to the Enterprise and Keptin Kirk although it will not be the Enterprise without Mister Spock."

Sulu followed with, "Captain Kirk is perhaps the best Captain the Federation has or will have. His reaction to Mister Spock's statement is beyond comprehension as that is not what he is like and goes against what they had. I am more than willing to go back to the Enterprise with James Kirk as the rightful captain after he has recovered from whatever caused such an uncharacteristic outburst." Despite the seriousness of the situation Kirk found himself smiling as he realized how by his choice of words Sulu had revealed how influenced by Spock he was.

Uhura's answers were precise, "Captain Kirk **was** the best captain with the highest standards for himself and his crew. His reaction to Mister Spock's statement was most atypical. I belong on the Enterprise with Captain Kirk as the captain of that ship and this command crew."

Scotty had looked from him to the panel as he said, "Ye'd find nay better commanding officer under normal circumstances but he has nay been himself since they came aboard. Till I saw it I could nay believe anything could make the captain say what he did to Spock. In time I may forgive him for what he did to Mister Spock but the Enterprise is my ship more than tis his so I would go back."

McCoy got to the stand and for a moment just stood looking at him and Kirk knew he would be looking at him as a patient and as a friend. "I have known Captain James Tiberius Kirk for longer than I care to remember as it makes me feel old but as a commanding officer he would rank as one of Starfleet's best. He is young enough to understand the ensigns and yet has the years of experience expected to be found only in a person much older. His reaction to what Spock said was more than totally out of character enough to be greatly concerned about but also something that will, for the rest of his life, no doubt plague Jim Kirk as they were two of the closest friends I have known. His reaction could have been expected from a person drugged or drunk but all my tests revealed no abnormalities that would have caused such a reaction. There is no other officer, now that Spock has gone, that I would willingly serve under or with than James T. Kirk."

They had again gone over how he had said he had heard nothing from the freighter after it had been hailed and several times and considered it a threat so had ordered it to be fired upon. Although that was what he had believed, what so many of the crew who had been there on the bridge said, it was not what the recordings showed. On the recordings they again clearly give no warning, no hailing, only the order to fire on that ship. They heard the voices of the crew protesting, heard him say he would do it himself, and heard the almost childlike joyous excitement in his voice as he said, "Direct hit." The voice analysis computer confirmed it was his voice.

Just looking at the seven senior officers making up the panel he could see doubt on six of the faces. Surprise, undeniably, yet also doubt. The seventh member of the panel seemed to be concentrating more on watching his five senior officers than on him or what was being said.

Thomas Ward was to speak next and Kirk was sure that his old friend could tell them what he was like, how he would not, could not, have done that. Ward looked at him once then looked at the panel, "I have known James Tiberius Kirk for more than ten years and while I cannot deny he is a great Captain I also cannot deny that he has always been one who not so much breaks the rules as bends them in order to win, to get whatever he wants, to reach his goals. I am sure you all know of how he has been the only one to pass the Kobayashi Maru test and how he manipulated the system so he could pass. He has always had a must win tendency and while I was surprised he did what he did I was not surprised when I heard him say he would make the freighter stop as it did appear to be exceeding the stated warp speed for that class of vessel. Although I was aware of what he would have done when he was younger I had no idea that, as the captain of a starship, he would react as he did."

Ward had paused for a moment to look at him and Kirk realized he knew that look, it was one he used to have when a plan of his was working, "I know when he was younger he would often state what he thought of the actions of others when they differed from his own but I would never have thought of him as capable of speaking to his First Officer, a man he had so often called a friend, in the manner he had, especially in front of others. No, as we all saw from the recording he did not speak **to** his First Officer but rather **spoke at him** in a manner not acceptable from any sane sentient being. After Mister Spock left I assumed the role as his First Officer and saw that he was in control of himself. He was, as you can see from what you have seen, **fully aware** of what he was saying and doing. We all saw that same look when he turned away from the screen, fully aware of what he had just done both when he attacked his First Officer and then the freighter."

There was a pause as Ward just looked at him, shook his head, then looked back at the panel, "Being the senior officer on the ship I immediately advised Command of the situation after he had fired upon the ship, confined Kirk to his quarters with a guard outside his door who would check on his well-being every two hours, and plotted a course back. It has been my honor to be the acting captain of the Enterprise since the attack on the freighter and would like it noted that I could stay on until such time as a replacement for Captain Kirk is found. I would like my name to be up for consideration."

As Ward walked back to his seat Kirk saw the look he gave him. A look Kirk remembered from the Academy days, a look that let him know that Ward had had this all planned out. He had been the senior officer who had suggested years ago to Command the idea of bridge crew exchanges. Ward who had got him so riled at Spock. No. There was no way Ward could do that. Bones had said all his medicals showed nothing abnormal.

Just before Ward sat down one on the panel said, "Captain Ward, please explain to us why you had Captain Kirk checked on every two hours. Were you concerned about his state of mind?"

Again Ward had looked at him and half-smiled, "Most decidedly after witnessing for myself not so much the uncalled for attack on the freighter but how he had reacted to a casual comment from his former friend and First Officer,"

"And just what about his reaction troubled you so much?"

"Well, I had heard so much about their loyalty to one another and friendship that I could not believe it what happened after witnessing that closeness between them for the first few days with then. I simply could not believe how Kirk reacted so venomously and violently to a very simple and basic question, especially since it was asked as a simple question asked by one Jim Kirk had so often said was closer than a friend and one he trusted more than he trusted himself."

"If you were close enough to hear the question was it the sort of question that would have been inappropriate for a First Officer to ask their Captain?"

"No," Ward turned and looked at him and in that look Kirk saw an old familiar look that let him know that somehow Ward had been behind how he had reacted. Those conversations they had had over a few drinks about friendship and how Ward had kept the drinks flowing while he also kept saying how a Vulcan could never be a friend as they had no real understanding of all the emotions and nuances that was involved in a real friendship. "It was not an inappropriate question and certainly nothing to have caused any rational person to react as he did, leaving the one who he had professed to be his closest and best friend. who also happened to be the best First Officer in the Fleet, no option but to leave the best ship and crew in the fleet."

"Indeed? We will discuss that later in private with the two of you as it may have a bearing on the request we received from Mister Spock regarding leaving Star Fleet after he finishes working on some tests."

While others may not have heard it or noticed it Kirk heard the shock coming from his five officers even from the easily twenty meters between them. He saw the totally stunned look on the faces of all of them except McCoy who only looked at him with pity and a shake of his head. His tangled, confused mind was still dealing with how well Thomas Ward had used him as he had that all he was aware of was the shock of the others and that Spock wanted to leave Star Fleet. The words some tests seemed odd as he knew that prior to the exchange crew coming aboard he had said all tests had been completed,

"Surely that just goes to prove how vindictive Kirk can be as it is known that the only place the Mister Spock considered his home was the Federation and Star Fleet in particular and specifically aboard the Enterprise as First Officer with James Kirk as his captain."

"I think we are all aware of,"

A young cadet walked into the hearing and up to the panel and said something which made the seven on the panel look at him and Kirk felt uncertain as to how to translate the look. "Captain Kirk, you and your bridge crew, will follow us while Captain Ward and the others present will wait here. **Now, Captain**."

In a small meeting room on a table before a young Vulcan with one of Spock's two talking stones. "You must be the Jim he talked of. Myself and two others from the Vulcan Embassy were authorized to remove all of Spock's personal items from his quarters aboard the starship Enterprise. I was then authorized by him to bring this directly to you. You must know what he said. You will access his words. I am to tell you that this talking stone is one that others may hear."

Kirk slowly walked over and took hold of the stone. Spock had said a secrete word was needed. He had also told him how of teh two only one was really personal and the other was one that could be heard by others once it had been accessed by the ones allowed to access it. There was no secret. He stopped and looked at the young Vulcan who seemed to understand him, "Hold it as you would his hand and say the word then hold it in your two hands as though protecting it and you and the rest of us will hear him."

Holding it tenderly between his hands he quietly said "T'hy'la." in a way the others could not hear the word. For a moment there was nothing then the familiar beloved baritone voice seemed to fill the room although he knew it was Spock's normal one-to-one speaking voice.

"Jim, if you are hearing this I will have left the ship. If what I suspect is correct there is every likelihood that I will also be dead. When Thomas Ward came aboard the ship I knew you had a connection with him that goes back to your days together at the Academy but I did not trust him. He is after the ship. I do not know for certain how he is going to do it but he will **not hesitate to use you** to get it. He has his senior crew on the bridge. He will attempt to find a way to get me off the ship. If ordered by you I will leave the ship and will leave this stone to you but take the other so that I may record for you what I find when I find **the proof** I seek. He will attempt to discredit you to get the ship. There is every likelihood that he will attempt to ensure that all the senior crew is also transferred off the ship for any number of reasons. I **will expose** those attempts as well. I will use and leave the other stone in my room at the Vulcan Embassy as I have advised the guards there that only you are allowed to enter my room but that the rest of the house, apart from it and the bedroom of my parents, is available to the senior crew of the Enterprise with the rest of the Enterprise's official crew free to use the common rooms. I will leave any further instructions with the young Vulcan page Sphin who delivered this to you Know that **I will not let him** take your ship nor ruin your career, Jim. Live long and prosper my t'hy'la,"

For a long time he just stood in silence with his eyes closed as what he had heard registered with in his mind. He opened his eyes when he felt Uhura's hand on his, "He has remained in contact with us, Sir. Well, he remained in contact and none of us have heard from him in two days. He did send a private message for you on my computer."

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A/N Another weekend where I donated money to the winner of the lottery, sigh. Think positive - a new bookmarker so I have an excuse to buy a new book. . . . . Okay, thanks for reading. Take care and HAVE FUN.


	3. Chapter 3

"Aye, there is one for ye as well on mine." Scotty walked over to him.

'Mine too," both Chekov and Sulu said in almost perfect unison.

"All I got, Jim, was one saying to be with you and help you understand. What the hell does he mean by understand? Understand what?"

Uhura looked at the others, "Before he left did he ask you to give him a private link to your computers? I have noting to hide from him."

"Ach lassie, ye know he could get access to them if he wanted to with nae asking as there is none better at computers. He's always had access to mine."

"But he would never just access them without asking. Yes, I told him he had free access to mine," Sulu said.

"And mine," Chekov nodded.

"He has had access to mine for years and seldom used it."

Kirk looked at them, seeing their confusion as he tried to think like Spock. Why would he want access to their computers? What. . . . He stopped. A way to avoid any detection by Ward as Spock was the best computer person in the Fleet, possibly the Federation. But why? He looked at the panel and noticed how they were all looking at him in a bewildered manner. "May I be allowed to return to the ship with my officers and an escort to read those messages?"

"Two of us will go with you as it may be relevant to your situation."

They went first to Uhura's quarters and only Uhura and the two from the panel went in with him. The three stood as stunned as he was when he read that Lieutenant Junior Grade Glenda Zelane had been providing him with hourly downloads of message traffic to and from Ward as well as recording of conversations on the bridge.

From the one on Sulu's computer was notification that Lieutenant Junior Grade Donald Atimmet had been providing him with hourly downloads of recordings from all instruments at the helm. Chekov's was to say that Lieutenant Junior Grade Joanne Goring was sending him hourly downloads of what was happening at the Science Station, and Scotty found out that Lieutenant Junior Grade Colin Tyles had been sending hourly downloads of all happening in Engineering.

There was just a moment that the six of them looked at one another as what had been going on dawned on them. Spock was keeping an eye on the ship, was looking for something, something to prove all that Ward had used against Kirk was false. Only for a moment did McCoy look at Kirk before he said, "That cunning little Vulcan. I gotta go check something." Without realizing it Kirk automatically followed him and the others followed him.

Lieutenant Junior Grade Kori Day looked surprised when they walked in as she sat at a seldom used computer. Before anybody said anything to her she said, "I only sent him the results of the tests on the Captain. He told me it was important. He has always helped me, encouraged me even when I doubted myself. I did not think it was wrong."

McCoy shook his head. That blasted Vulcan could both terrorize his people as well as encourage them. No, he was like that with all the crew. Pushing and helping them to be better, encouraging them to learn, yet keeping that blasted Vulcan distance he thought he would never close the gap of. As he looked at the young medical officer McCoy saw something . "Those extra tests I did on the Captain. Who did you say ordered them?" They all saw how she momentarily bit her bottom lip and McCoy nodded and said, "That cunning little devil. No wonder Ward's officer asked who had ordered them and why you looked at them the way you did and just said that you did not question orders from senior officers but did not say. That's okay. If Spock said it was important then it was."

Kirk saw it before the others commented, he saw Uhura nodding as though there was a secret. There was clearly something there that the others, himself, had missed. "It is a personal computer site at the Vulcan Embassy, all that information went to him there. When his parents are here that is what I use to send information to Amanda. "

"But, but all that information, all that information. So many experts in their own special areas have thoroughly looked over all that information. What could he possibly be looking for? " McCoy looked at Kirk and Kirk saw his friend knew the answer but wanted reassurance he was not alone in his thinking.

"The lad will be looking for a thing only he knows. He may nay know what it is now but he knows it when he sees it." Scotty looked at Kirk, "Ye know he is doing this for ye, Sir. We've seen what the lad would do of any of us. He is doing this for ye. If there be anything there he will find it."

"He got all reports from all areas. Everything that happened. All stations. Why vould he want all of them?"

Sulu looked from Chekov to Kirk, "He did not trust the readings he was told. He did not trust the Science Officer, the Medical Officer, nor the First Officer. He clearly had a feeling that they would try to cover the truth of what was happening."

Jim Kirk took a moment to realize all it really meant. He remembered what Spock's talking stone had relayed. _" **when I find the proof** . . . . **I will not let him take your ship nor ruin your career** "._ Despite what he had said, the way he had said those vile and deliberately hurtful words, and what he had done Spock was still willing to, to . . . For a moment he felt very dizzy as he not only fully realized not only what he had said and done but also from a strange feeling of pain before a total numbness and a strange sensation of coldness in his head. Strong arms gripped him and helped him to sit down. He felt the slight pressure against his arm and vaguely heard McCoy say, "Just you relax, Jim. Relax and breathe."

It had been bad enough to have seen and heard his despicable vocal attack at Spock twice in the hearing room, to see the look of the others as well as seeing that very slight change about Spock s that maybe only he had seen. Again in his mind he heard his tirade. He so clearly saw again the look on Ward's face, a look he had thought of as being understanding but now saw it for what it was, a look of victory. He had been used by Ward. This was his revenge for him being promoted before him so often, for becoming a captain a few years before him, and for getting the Enterprise. So long ago, when he sent Ward word that he had been assigned to the Enterprise, Ward had sent back a message that, at the time, he had thought was a joke but now saw as him fulfilling a promise. "Enjoy your new role and the ship but know I learned how to use and Kobayashi Maru from you." It had taken him time to think of what he meant by "use" but remembered how Ward had said. after being questioned on his part of in the Kobayashi Maru incident, that he felt he had been used by his best friend.

At the time he had thought it was just Ward being the Ward as had he remembered and had not really stayed in touch with but now. Now he realized that all they had in common were all the times he had helped Ward not get caught with a female cadet and liquor in their room and Ward being on watch the one time while he amended the no-win scenario on the test so he would pass. Now Ward had used him to get the Enterprise but what was the reference to the Kobayashi Maru? He had been shown to have been in the computer room without authorization but, being Ward, had just enough alcohol in his system to only be put back a year in line for active assignments rather than suspended. Clearly that had not been a part of their plan but it happened and Ward had never openly complained.

As he calmed his thoughts Kirk remembered how he had, almost from when they met, called Ward a friend just as Ward had called him a friend from the start as well. No wonder Ward had been so close to laughing when he had looked at him after Spock had left the bridge. In that tirade he had said that he was totally incapable of understanding what a real friendship like the one he and Ward had was, that he had no idea of what friendship really was, of what friends would do for one another. He had called him cold-blooded and totally unfeeling as to have feelings meant that the being had emotions and emotions were not logical so he would have none as his life was based totally on cold logic. How Ward must have laughed when he had said to Spock that he was incapable of ever really having a friend or understanding friendship as it did not involve any sort of score keeping, that in a real friendship there was no upmanship as both are equals in all ways irrespective of mental or physical ability or financial or social status. He had even accused Spock of not understanding neither the depths and breadths, let alone power of Human feelings and emotions.

While Kirk had been reflecting on what had happened and just what Spock would be doing with that much information from around the ship meant McCoy had gone back and looked at the medical reports Spock had sent hoping to find something, anything different. Nothing. At first he had seeen nothing unusual. They were the standard scans and results. No. There. Faint but most decidedly there.

Yes. As he looked again he saw it. There had been something marked on some of scans that was not his way of marking but, as he looked at it again, he knew it was one he had seen before, seen often before whenever he had asked Spock for a second opinion. He went back and studied the eight readings and compared them with what he had on the Sickbay computer. Damn. There was not a sign of it and even though it was so blasted minimal on the other scans given over the time period it should have. No, he did not want to think of it as it meant he had not seen it sooner, and yet he had not been looking for it. As he looked again at the scan he saw something else, a thing that Spock had suggested so long ago it was almost a habit. Only that blasted Vulcan would have seen something about Jim that he had not noticed that made him look for what was there. For once he silently thanked that cunning little Vulcan for teaching him how to remain in control of his emotions at such times as he wanted to appear calm when he faced the two panel members and made his suggestion.

"May I suggest we start again in Lieutenant Uhura's quarters and have a second look at what was sent from Spock." As he saw the two from the panel look oddly at him he smiled, "Just say it is curiosity. You gentlemen know the terminal's hearing room's code?" From the looks the others gave him he knew that he had a reason he did not want to mention what he was doing or why, just yet.

When they got to Uhura's quarters and her computer all McCoy said was, "Uhura really look at and listen to what you were sent and think of originals." It took her just over twenty minutes to hear a difference and to see the difference readings. It had been in how she had stood up and looked at the six of them then the two from the panel and said, "We should go to Chekov's next, after I send these to the same terminal as McCoy's."

Chekov had been sure at first that he was not seeing what he was seeing but it was there, that odd marking he remembered from sessions where his Vulcan friend helped him learn more and more. As he looked at it he tried to do the exercises that same friend had taught him to control his emotions. "Sulu's next, after I send mine." was all he could say.

Sulu had been watching the others and realized it was not just the records and scans he was to look for. There was very minimal variances there on a glance but there was that indoctrinated marking as well as where the variances showed different anomalies. "Scotty's next, also after I send mine."

As they watched the Chief Engineer look at the material there was no mistaking his only just contained fury when he saw the marks and what they indicated. Uhura was the one to go over to him and lightly touch is arm, "You have to stand in line, Scotty. I will send yours to where the others are."

Very slowly, as though fighting to contain the rage that was clear on his face, the Chief Engineer turned and looked at the two panel members, "Ye best ensure that the guards ye have with Ward are set to stun me as I can nae say I will nae attempt to kill the, the thing. The sooner we get rid of it the sooner we get Mister Spock back where he belongs."

Kirk saw the other four quickly look at one another then at him when Scotty said about getting Spock back. They fully understood how Spock had left but Scotty would not accept Spock would leave either Kirk or the ship no matter what. Even though they had not heard from Spock nor talked about him when the captain was around the four of them were sure what Kirk had said, how and where he had said it, made it impossible for Spock to return. When he looked at the four of them he saw great pity in their eyes, pity and un-vocalized blame. It was almost as though they knew how much he hated himself for what he had done, what he had ruined yet also blamed him for doing it.

It had been almost impossible to go back into that hearing room especially when he saw how very confident Ward still looked. While Kirk was not sure exactly what was in the information that had been on the individual computers he did know that for his friends to react as they had that whatever it was it was clearly important.

There was a rather long huddle of the panel, a great deal of pointing to the computer screens before them, after the two what had accompanied them returned to sit in their places.

"We will, after we have the exchange crew brought to these proceedings, see the displays of what was found and the exchange officer in charge of the relative area will explain what they see and reported then the Enerprise officer in charge of the relative area will explain what they see and what they would have reported."

Only for a moment did Kirk see Ward look at him then at the panel, then back at him before he said, "I am sure Captain Kirk's officers are exceptional in their areas of expertise but I am also sure that my crew would have reported anything they would have thought unusual."

The senior officer who had been with them and who was also the man Kirk had seen had been watching his officers earlier, looked at Ward, "I believe we all know, from our own experiences and our own crews, that when on a new ship or using a different station with and unfamiliar system, mistakes can be made. Have you not experienced that, Captain Ward?"

Just for a moment Kirk saw almost panic flicker across Ward's face. He remembered it from the times at the Academy when he had only just escaped being caught doing something that could have led to his expulsion. "Ahhh, yes, but the Enterprise is the most up-to-date with equipment and,"

"Is it equipment your officers were really fully familiar with?"

"Some of it might have been newer but the crew of the Enterprise were able to assist my crew adjust quickly."

"One of your officers is also a highly rated computer officer, yet not fully conversant with the system on the Enterprise, is that not true?"

"It was hoped that while on the Enterprise the officer would gain more experience with the system."

The seven officers who had come aboard with Ward walked in and seemed confident.

"You seven will be shown some readings, printouts, and scans from the station you manned on the Enterprise and similar readings, printouts, and scans. You are to identify your ones and tell us of the differences and what they indicate. After you have all done that we will have the officers from the Enterprise do the same. The First Officer will, upon completion of the different departmental reports, look at all of them and then say what they, combined, reveal. Captain Ward will not only state what they reveal but what action or actions should be taken and then, as the Enterprise's First Officer is unavailable Captain Kirk can then either agree or indicate where he believes Captain Ward to be incorrect. At this time we would ask the officers from the Enterprise to leave the room, Captains Kirk and Ward will also leave and go to separate rooms and to ensure there is no conferring among the crew there will be security officers in the room with you."

In a dim part of his mind Kirk could imagine Spock would have said, "Verbose, isn't he?" as he was sure there would have been a simpler way of saying all that.

Confusion was clear on Ward's face and Kirk did his best not to show how uncertain he was as to just how he was to know what differences he should look for although he had seen how Uhura, Chekov, McCoy, Sulu, and especially Scotty had so quickly spotted some differences. There was noting in the small room but a seat and he found himself almost unconsciously get into the peaceful space Spock had so long ago taught him to do in such situations: to be calm, still the mind, be aware of the body, and do not worry.

McCoy looked around at the others in the room with him and noticed how all the others, with the exception of the two security guards, had, like him, and he suspected Jim Kirk as well, had mentally gone into that peaceful space Spock had shown them how to achieve it over the years. All was calm. Well, while he was calm he also wondered how his Vulcan friend was. There had been a strange, almost a finality, about the way he had walked away after Jim's diatribe. The way he had said, "I will take my leave of you." had a sound of farewell forever. There had been an odd look about Spock as he had looked at each of them before he had left, almost as though wanting to remember every detail about them as though he were never going to see them again.

Oddly he found that he would understand it if it was that, the last time he saw them and they saw him, as despite what that Vulcan exterior showed he knew it protected a most loving and compassionate being. A hard shell of assumed dispassionate logic covering and protecting a very affectionate and caring being. He would, for now, just help Jim and the others through this then do what he could for his so deeply hurt and hurting Vulcan friend.

One by one the crew members were escorted from the room and returned after about forty minutes. To a casual onlooker it seemed nothing was said in the silence but the looks exchaned and the nods spoke volumes. When Kirk entered the room he saw how the other crew looked at him, the panel looked at him, but mostly how so very self-assuredly Ward had looked at him. He also saw Sphin there holding the larger talking stone and noted something, what he was not sure, unsettling about the way the young Vulcan looked at him.

"Captain Kirk, you may listen in private to the Vulcan talking stone after you have given your opinion of what Captain Ward says about the scans and printouts we have up on the screen. Captain Ward, you may state what you see and what you believe should be done. You may have fifteen standard minutes to study the images."

Ward had calmly walked to the platform and only glanced at the display, shaken his head, then looked at the panel, "Clearly this is a visual distortion test as there is no real difference to the details, the important information, once you really compare the images. The only action that I would take would be to delete the overly distorted images that are there only to trick us in believing that there is any important differences in the important data."

"Is that your final decision?"

"Oh, I would also demote whoever thought that a captain of a starship would fall for such an elementary test."

The seven on the panel talked among themselves for a few minutes then looked back at Ward, "Thank you, Captain Ward. Captain Kirk you may study the images for fifteen standard minutes and then give us your comments."

For a few minutes Kirk looked at the display and initially saw what Ward had said, the images were so alike. He knew there had to be something, something slight and yet whatever it was clearly was very minimal. For Spock to have sent them there had to be something. That baritone voice seemed to whisper to him something he had heard many times before, " _Jim, do not think, just look and see._ " He closed his eyes, let out a breath, opened his eyes and almost immediately saw obvious alterations, deletions, and gaps. There was also something else. Something not many not of the command crew would know about. That tiny modification that Spock had made to the main computer so that every ten minutes on all scans, communications, and computer generated records related to the crew and operation of the ship and a special mark that would mark it as authentic and from the Enterprise. He closed his eyes again and said a silent thanks first to that special Vulcan and then to the gods for bringing them together.

"Well, Captain Kirk, what are your comments?"

"I will make this not quite as short as Captain Ward but more exact for anybody who really looked at them could see the ones on the top row of the ones related to Communications, the bottom row of the ones related to the Helm, every other one on the one related to Engineering, the two rows on the left of the ones related to Navigation, and the two rows on the right of the ones related to Medical are all originals and the rest have been modified in some way to give incorrect readings. If I were the captain I would find whoever was responsible for doing such juvenile work in trying to alter official records and deal with them before handing them and myself over to my superior officer."

"And your reason for such an action?"

"I would have to be equally as reprimanded as my officer for I am responsible for their actions on my ship."

"May we ask how you were so exact and correct about which displays had errors?"

Only for a moment did he glance at Ward and saw the look of total hatred on his former friend's face then looked at his five friends individually, returning their slight nods, before facing the panel, "A captain, even an officer with only a few days experience in a new position on a different ship, should know what the normal is for all readings and scans. Only with constant and conscious monitoring can any officer really know how his section is working and be able to alert his captain to any changes in the status of the ship or the crew."

"So very true, Captain Kirk. It is not surprising that you are known not only to have the best ship but also the best crew in the fleet. We were surprised not only to receive your request for a new First Officer and a new Science Officer but also to hear that Mister Spock has expressed his intention to leave Star Fleet as soon as he has finished some investigative work he is doing for you. We have not heard from him as to how much longer he expects that to take, can you tell us when you expect him to have finished it?"

While Kirk was aware the man had asked him a question all he heard was " _ **intention to leave Star Fleet . . . investigative work for you**_." As he tried to concentrate he looked at his crew and saw McCoy walking towards him and when he looked over at Ward he saw him smile and nod. All of a sudden he knew what he had meant by Kobayashi Maru - a no win situation. He had his captaincy and the Enterprise but had lost, lost. He felt the pressure on his arm as he heard the hiss of the hypo and heard McCoy saying, "Captain Kirk was awaiting the outcome of the exchange before he gave thought to senior crew. I am certain after he has rested for forty-eight hours and had discussion with senior crew he will be able to supply you with more details. I think right now he needs time and he needs the talking stone and some privacy."

"Fully understandable. We expect and know the Enterprise would be ready to ship out were an emergency to arise so you have," the speaker looked at the rest of the panel then back at them, "fifteen standard days, three hundred and sixty standard hours of leave. Your actions have helped us ensnare not only Captain Ward but also the ten officers who have assisted him to profit and prosper."

"Thank you, Sir. Kirk finally found his voice as he looked at the panel.

Sphin walked up to him with the talking stone, "I ask for pardon as I should have brought you this yesterday but I feared to leave his side as the fever has not subsided and he will not allow us to get a healer, contact his father, nor even tell you. I will leave you with this and return to him. I only came as he commanded me to. He talks of you in his fever."

"This fever," McCoy looked at the young Vulcan, "you know what caused it?"

* * *

A/N Okay - got a few days away from the computer and even the den. Very cold night. Take care and HAVE FUN!


	4. Chapter 4

Leaving McCoy and Sphin to talk about medicine Kirk took the stone and started to go into a small office, paused as he noticed how McCoy had nodded as he pressed the record button on his communicator so that he could hear what was said later, then shut the door. For some time he just looked at the stone. He wanted to hear not only that beloved voice but also what the message was but then, as he sat down and cradled it, he was afraid it would be not only very formal but also the last he would hear of that voice. Once he had calmed himself he cleared his mind, and whispered, "T'hy'la."

The beloved baritone seemed softer, " _Jim, I have sent all the proof and evidence I found that ensures you keep your career and the ship to the various departments on the ship as well as to the panel. As you stated, at our last meeting, you believe friends have no secrets I will tell you that I also informed the panel as to what I believe my findings showed and how the differences could have been deliberately made to those areas which would substantiate any claim of incompetence or error of judgement on your part. I left the most likely reason up to them to discern. I was most pleased to find physical proof that my suspicions about Ward chemically influencing you were correct and by now, with Doctor McCoy's medical acumen, you should no longer be effected as you were. I did point out to the panel that any of your actions, following the arrival of Ward on the Enterprise, were to be investigated as the substances used were likely to have influence on your decision making. The proof will also clear any doubt about the abilities of the others_."

There was a long pause and only then, in the momentary silence, did Kirk first think Spock's voice was not only softer but also strained, " _I am so tired of it all, of being in what McCoy termed "a constant state of flux" between my two genetic halves, of having to control, if not hide, my emotions and feelings when around both Humans and Vulcans as neither would understand what it is like to live in what McCoy called my "area of most conflict". While I miss and will miss whatever you want to call the relationship you and I shared,_ " as Kirk listened he could hear how talking seemed to tax Spock, _"the relationship you said now no longer exists and the relationships I have had with my parents and the senior crew of the ship, I will welcome the end knowing that you, most importantly, and they are safe. Perhaps in the end you were right, as so often you were._ " Another long pause, one that lasted much longer than the last ones, " _On reflection it is possible that growing up without any Human friends I was incapable of knowing how to be a friend or have a friend, that I grew up only knowing associates. If that is correct then I have greatly misunderstood what I felt towards you, what I believed has, had, existed between us_." For a moment there was what sounded like a slight laugh, " _I find that I believed and illogically still believe, perhaps it is my Human side in the end dominating, that we were friends, we were almost brothers. May you live long and prosper, my Captain, my friend, my t'hyla_." There was the sound of strained breathing then a click and silence.

That silence seemed to fill not only the room but also, for a few seconds, his whole being. No, not just the silence but echoes of what he had said to Spock, echoes of those last words to Spock, and remembering that full tirade that Ward had so expertly groomed him for using drugs his systems were now clear of. That tirade that the panel had heard twice when both he and Ward were before them alone and then once at the actual hearing. That tirade so many others had heard but that had clearly hurt Spock more than he could have imagined. Slowly, using the techniques Spock had taught him, Kirk slowly put the talking stone carefully on the table and stood, he needed to hear about the fever and then get to Spock with McCoy.

When he re-entered the room he had left McCoy and Sphin in and McCoy nodded, "We'll go get something to eat while you hear what we were talking about and when we get back you can ask Sphin your questions." There was an odd resignation about how McCoy was acting and after they had left it had been almost two minutes before he pressed the button on the communicator and heard what he had missed.

"While I am not qualified to comment I believe, Doctor McCoy," Sphin was, Kirk realized, about to answer McCoy's question he had heard as he left the room about the cause of the fever he said Spock was suffering, "that with Humans it is would be not unlike the extreme stages of extensive exhaustion and starvation. It was known that for the last thirty-nine days the Ambassador's son neither ate nor slept. It was his stated intention to find something to save Captain Kirk's career at all costs and that we were not to disturb him. When he started to weaken he forbid us to get a healer or to notify either his parents or Captain Kirk of his condition. In a full Vulcan the fever does not appear until the forty-eighth day."

There was a silence and then McCoy's voice, "How long is the recovery stage?"

The silence said more than Sphin's, "Those few who do recover are those who have had family with them and who will watch them for the first twenty-one standard days over which they are tested to discover if there had been any serious mental or physical deterioration. It has been difficult to accept but he was fully aware that what he felt he had to do, excluding all help, would cause the fever and almost certainty his death. Apart from when I took him liquid sustenance, sufficient to maintain his internal organs and not impair his mental state, that he would drink he did not rest nor eat as he felt had to do what he has done."

"You seem mighty sure he at least drank something."

"Having him as a tutor for so many years and having studied him I knew he would drink only if watched so I would wait while he drank."

"Spock a tutor?" surprise was clear in McCoy's voice.

"Yes, he would send regular work for me to do, research, studies, when he would contact his mother and Lady Amanda would give them to me and offer assistance. I was orphaned young and had no blood relatives and all I will say is that Spock saved me and his parents have been most kind to me. He and they ensured I not only had a home but also got well educated. I am a page till I qualify for medical training which I have been told should be in sixty-nine standard weeks largely due to help from Spock."

"He gave you other instructions regarding us, didn't he?"

"You are as he said. You see more in a fellow being than others. He gave me strict instructions as to what I am to do upon my return and as to what I cannot detail here. I am to inform you that he has arranged for a gifted Vulcan healer to be of assistance to Captain Kirk so that all memories of him as anything but his First Officer and Science Officer are removed. I believe he sent you a personal message and in it was more about that assistance"

There had been resignation in McCoy's voice when he said, "Yes, I, I got a message from him. That is what I would have suspected of him."

"He spoke highly of you and said that if I get accepted for medical training he would like to think I could be at least forty percent as caring and masterful a surgeon as you and thirty-three percent as proficient a doctor as you as you are able to leap beyond logic to treat even the most stubborn patient one could ever encounter. From what I have read of your work I can understand his reasoning. I believe he considered you a very close friend. From what he said of four others they were also friends but not as close as you and Captain Kirk. If he should not survive the fever I have written messages for each of the six of you from him as well as one to his father and one to his mother plus one for me."

"I, I," for a moment McCoy could not talk and Kirk knew he would be still processing what Sphin had relayed. "I need, oh, here's Jim."

" _he has arranged for a gifted Vulcan healer to be of assistance to Captain Kirk so that all memories of him as anything but his First Officer and Science Officer are removed_." For a moment Jim Kirk had just sat where he was, grateful that McCoy was not there as he fought to regain control. Spock had believed him. Even in all that pain Spock had thought of his needs, believing he needed those memories removed, those memories he so treasured. He heard again, in his head, that whole damned tirade that had pushed Spock to this. He saw again the flash of confusion and inner pain in Spock before those blasted Vulcan shields came back up between them. For so long Spock had lived behind them and his actions had sent his friend but to that lonely hell. No, he had sent him further back than that.

" _Those few who do recover are those who have had family with them_ " mocked him. He had let Spock walk away. He had left Spock nothing to hope to ever return to. He had not hesitated in authorizing his transfer to the Computer Center at Command who had welcomed his assignment. He remembered the surprise of Admiral Rhew, the head of the installation, when he advised him that Spock was being transferred from the ship to be stationed there. He had not lied to the man, just had not said that it was his decision and that Spock had no say in the matter. Rhew had even said that should Spock get sick of being off the ship he would transfer him back and been surprised when he had said not to the Enterprise. Rhew's words echoed, " _You sure? You two were the durable unbeatable indomitable team, the duet that so often Command relied on so often_."

 _Were_. Past tense. Made that way by him. They were a team. As Kirk calmed himself he accepted the truth that together they were a team, a duet in perfect harmony. " _all memories of him as anything but his First Officer and Science Officer are removed_." Where had those memories been when he had been calling him just another officer, when he had said that Ward was a real friend with genuine feelings which he would never be as he was totally lacking in emotions, that he could never understand what a great friendship like the one he had with Ward was like as that type of friendship was often an illogical relationships, and that friendships were based more on positive emotions and feelings rather than duty, tradition, or rank. He wanted to stop remembering that tirade. Wanted to stop seeing what he had seen but not thought anything about at the time, that slight smile of satisfaction that Ward had, especially when he had said to Spock that he would never risk as much for him as Ward had.

No wonder Spock had shut himself away and wanted no more contact. How could he have compared all that Spock had done for him over the years with Ward just making sure the corridors were clear so he could fix the test? Ward had kept the corridors clear by standing at the entrance to that wing. All those time Spock had risked his life for him, had stood up to Command, had risked his life to save him, and just silently been there when he had vented in anger.

Kirk had stood up and was pacing when McCoy and Sphin returned and McCoy could tell from one look that his friend was going through the hell that he knew he would as soon as he reflected on what he had sone. He also knew there was nothing he could do, especially not with what Sphin had told him. It had been hard enough to listen to the message left to him by Spock without wanting to do something that that Vulcan would say was a direct reflection of his lack of emotional control and a display of his dazzling illogical thought processes. That blasted Vulcan wording had been exact and logical then had totally emotionally shocked him by saying, " _You must know, Leonard McCoy, that I have long considered you as one of my closest friends. When the present situation is over Sphin has been instructed to present you with an aged bottle of Tennessee whiskey that I was assured was made in the traditional manner as I recalled it was your favorite aid to relaxation. I have seen a lot of you in Sphin over the last few days as he would make a fine physician which is what he desires but has no physician to speak for him. I did greatly enjoy our verbal sparring and trust you know how much I appreciated your friendship. You may have thought yourself as just an old country doctor but, McCoy, know that you are far, far more than that is so many ways. May you live long and prosper, Leonard._ " As he looked at how Kirk was he realized that " _when the present situation_ " was over he would possibly drink the bottle alone in one session.

"Bones, how could I have," Kirk paused for a moment to look at him and McCoy saw the plea he could not help with, saw his friend's inner turmoil that he knew Kirk had to deal with alone. "My gods, Bones, what I did to him. After all we've shared, gone through, all he means to me."

"That was strong stuff Ward had used verbal, herbal, and chemical means on you, at the start, Jim. For those first four days there was no way, with him always there and talking with you, reminding you of your times together, excluding others from your conversations, that you could not have been influenced. After Spock and the others left he slightly lowered the dosages so that he still could easily persuade you to more or less do as he said. After the attack on the freighter you were on your own as he had done what he wanted to do to you, he had what he wanted."

"You, you knew?"

"None of the rest of us were fully aware of what was going on but Spock did. He even tried to warn you," McCoy stopped as Kirk clearly remembered when Spock had approached him that second day and asked to see him alone and Ward had told him to remember his place and never disturb those of higher rank having a private conversation, especially when those two captains have a real friendship that spanned many years.

" **Damn him!** That was when he really started it. Before that he had only talked to me about what he called our friendship. After that he used the word friend as a weapon and I used it as a weapon on Spock. **Damn him!** "

"I think all that evidence that the panel saw and heard made sure he is damned, Jim. Seems you're not the first of many he held grudges against from the Academy days who he thinks have had positions he should have had. Luckily you did not have an accident or commit suicide as four of those have nor end up so mentally unstable they are either monitored or in full time care as three others have. It was not until Spock sent them all that information they that they had proof of Thomas Wade's involvement as each time his methods have varied depending on what he felt should have been his and how he felt he had been wronged. Damn!" McCoy turned away for a moment then all but glared at Kirk, "We both should have listened to him that second day."

"He go to you after,"

"Hell no, Jim, you know he would go off and analyze to death any confrontation he had with any of us. I was on the bridge and saw and heard that first outburst and how you did not defend him. As he started past me on the way off the bridge I gripped his arm and said he had to know you did not agree with what Ward said and he had looked at me and said, _"Doctor, I am aware that Jim may not agree with what he said but he uncharacteristically neither corrected him nor verbally agreed with him which necessitates further investigation._ "

For a moment there was silence and then Sphin said, "Forgive me if I speak out of turn but when asked why he would not rest or eat those were words he would say."

Kirk looked at the youth who was, as Kirk seemed to suddenly remember, awaiting permission to return. "What would he say?"

"He would thank me for asking but said, " _James Kirk's actions and statements were not those of the person I knew which necessitates further investigation to find out the cause which is then to be presented to the officials and others as proof and evidence of some outside influencing factors he is unaware of._ "

" **Knew**." Kirk closed his eyes and tried to steady himself. Past tense. Yet more proof as to how deeply he had hurt his friend. Proof that to Spock whatever they shared was over.

"I will take my leave of you now, Doctor McCoy and Captain Kirk, as I must return and be with him at this stage. I had been aware of the length of time he is usually in the deep sleep akin to coma and if I hurry back he should not be aware of my being gone this long. After all he and his family have done for me I do not wish for him to be alone at this time. Be assured, Doctor McCoy, that I will read him your message during one of his few lucid moments. Since he found what he sought and informed others he rests more as though no longer fighting the fever. I will inform you of any major changes."

"We thank you, Sphin, for being there with him and I will go now and make that recommendation you require and contact Doctor M'Benga who I am sure would be willing to attest to your abilities. I must apologize but I never mastered my fingers enough,"McCoy attempted to raise his hand with his fingers in the correct positions, "but may you live long and prosper, Sphin."

Surprise. Gratitude. Pleasure. Kirk could not tell what had flashed across Sphin's face when McCoy finished but he was glad that the young Vulcan felt comfortable enough around them to show that usually hidden side of the Vulcan psyche. Deep inside himself he wondered if the young Vulcan being around Spock so much over time might have helped him not be afraid or ashamed to show even that glimpse of what is behind that Vulcan wall.

There was just a nod in acknowledgment before Sphin turned and walked away. For a moment there was quietness, stillness in the room and then Kirk got up and started for the door. McCoy saw the look on his friend's face and knew it was one of a decision having been made and not much thought to outcomes given so rushed to stand in front of him, "Get out of my way, Bones. You heard him. I have to get to Spock."

"I heard him, Jim, but you clearly did not. Spock told him we were not to know. Sphin said that Spock was in a serious fever that many did not survive. Now I know you want to go there, you want to go there and make him understand, and I know that this time you can't, Jim. This time we have to wait."

"Bones, **you don't understand**."

McCoy gripped his shoulders even tighter and looked into the hazel eyes of his friend and tried to see behind the present anger and into that part of his friend he knew he had to reach, "Then tell me what I don't understand, Jim. Are you telling me you mean you did not mean it when you told him he could go back into the safe security of being a Vulcan with no concept whatsoever of friendship and the joys and pains involved with it? You did not mean it when you cut him off when he tried to calm you down and said you were tired of trying to understand anything Vulcan and that included him? You did not mean it when he turned to go you said that he could go and get lost forever in all the fact and figures that mattered more to him than any real friendship obviously ever had or could?"

As he felt Kirk stop struggling and really look back at him as he clearly remembered parts of his tirade he had forgotten but that all of them had heard. "Now I might not understand a lot, Jim, but I know and understood the looks that that so-called unfeeling Vulcan gave you, I know and understand why he did not want his parents or you to know about what he was doing, and I accept that it is his decision, and his alone, as to yield to the release of the fever or fight to come back to that hell he was in when he left the ship."

"That's why I have to go to him, Bones. He has to know, he has to,"

"Did you not hear what Sphin said, Jim? **He is beyond that stage now**. From what I have read and heard about such fevers in others with such a different biological makeup it is a war within them between living and dying and even those who were in full care can and do die. You know how private a person that blasted Vulcan is?" McCoy released him and paced for a moment then turned and glared at him, "You think I don't want to go there and do everything that I can to make him stay with us? A **part of me is dying** , Jim, because of him **but I will respect his Vulcan wishes** and ways and wait. I will rely on his Human side to help decide."

"You, you sent him a letter?"

"Just a very hurried few words he may or may not react to. There is every possibility he may not even hear Sphin read them to him. I will accept his decision even if it means that I will have to forgive you over time. I think you will have an even bigger fight to get Uhura, Suu, and Chekov to understand."

Only then did Kirk think of the others of his bridge crew who had seen and heard that tirade. Those same people he had seen before the panel. He closed his eyes and shook his head, how could they trust him not to turn on them? Could he get them to understand what had happened?

"May we come in, Captain?" Uhura's voice had a slight quiver to it and yet that usual confidence.

"Yes, yes. Please come in." Kirk noticed as they walked in how both Sulu and Chekov had a hand lightly holding onto Uhura's arms as though reassuring her.

"We,the three of us, had a message from Mister Spock we had to listen to together. He, he asked us to support you and to keep believing in you as your actions were not all your own. He let us know he would not be returning to the ship. He did not sound like himself. He sounded like he needed to sleep, like breathing was difficult."

Uhura kept looking at him and Kirk saw she knew the truth. "We were told by the young Vulcan that we would be informed as to the outcome as we could not go to see him or be with him. It is **bad** , isn't it, Captain?"

* * *

A/N Yet another cold and WET weekend but at least we only have two more months of winter - as long as the weather gods know that. Am finding out true that saying is about a person who reads should never be left to sort through a books before the book sale. . . . Thanks for reading. Take care and HAVE FUN.


	5. Chapter 5

Just for a moment all that Captain James Kirk was aware of were the three looking at him waiting for an answer. An answer he did not want to give. He looked over at McCoy who just looked right back at him.

"Aye, lass, tis bad but we can nae stop believing in that Vulcan we know and love to surprise us all." Scotty walked in and glanced at the others and then looked at Kirk, "I had ta check on the changes he told me would help correct me bairns and get a tad more from them. As always he was right, we'll get tad more from them."

"Told you, Scotty?" McCoy looked at the Scotsman.

"That young Vulcan came ta see me with a message from him and a wee bottle ye are all ta share with me when me bairns are back ta how they should be." The Engineer looked at the five others and knew he would not share with them what that quiet man had said on the message disc, nor would he share, at least not for some time, the larger bottle that Spock had sent "strictly for the enjoyment of the best, even if slightly given to folk lore and fantasy, engineer and staunch friend". There was no way he was ready to say farewell to his friend or even believe he would die. He knew that Jim Kirk had hurt him deeply with his actions and words, more deeply than any physical injury, but he knew that the man now regretted it more than any of them could possibly comprehend. Just looking at the man one could see how his guilt was eating his soul, how he was in the hell he made for himself. As he looked at the others he could see that they, too, had each received a message and a wee gift from the man who meant so much to each of them.

All Kirk could think of that moment was how like Spock it was to think of the ship and the crew despite how they had parted. A part of his mind slowly went over three parts of what Spock had said in his message _"my area of most conflict"_ , _"we were friends, we were almost brothers"_ and _"my Captain, my friend, my t'hyla"_. That same part of his mind recalled how years before Spock had once said that often there was, in communication between close family and friends who were unable to physically see or touch one another, often messages inside messages. **Damn!** Was that what those were? Had Spock sent him messages in that message?

Slowly he stood up and started pacing as he tried to figure out what the message or messages were. Of all the beings he knew it was only Spock who could be so painstakingly exact and yet deliberately vague beyond belief seemingly at the same time. There was something about those three, but what?

He was vaguely aware of Uhura talking with someone on a comlink and was mildly surprised when she walked over to him and waited till he looked at her. There was concern on her face yet also great satisfaction and Kirk was aware that the others had suddenly come closer to hear what she had to say. "Captain, that was Admiral Twintill from the hearing. He just let us know that Captain Ward and all those officers involved with him in the recent events will never be allowed on any craft unless there was a direct attack on Command and they needed all capable officers in defense crafts. He also said that he wants to see you within two days about the appointment of," for a moment she paused and momentarily closed her eyes then looked back at him, "a new First Officer and Science Officer for the Enterprise."

There it was. That stillness. That quiet. Those few brief breaths and heartbeats between hearing such news and when reality suddenly replaces the hope and dreams of a group. There was that same look of mixed disbelief and uncertainty on all five faces around him.

That was the same look when he had attacked Spock, had said he would get a new First Officer and Science Officer. Uninvited the full tirade came back to him _"How dare you question something you have no understanding about! You are a damned good First Officer and Science Officer but you have no idea, nor the slightest concept of what it is to be a friend. You know nothing about what real friends will do, will go through for each other. For you the whole concept of friendship is illogical as it does not fit neatly into any scientific or mathematically logical classification. As you obviously, after all this time, have not been able to adjust to or accept my ways it is clear that all you ever will be is a First Officer and Science Officer and I need more than that. I need a close friend, a confident, a person who would never question my friends the way you have. I need that to be not only the Captain I am but also the man I am. I will have you off this ship for the duration of not only this exercise but also permanently as I will transfer you to where you belong, the main science research center at Command. I will accept whomever Command sends as my new Science Officer and First Officer and I will be sure not to invest so much of my time with them under the illusion that they could possibly be a friend as I did with you. Unlike you I need friends. I need friends like Ward. You really have no idea, no clue as to how how far friends will go for one another, what they will do, what they will endure for one another as to you the whole concept of friendship is illogical. Now get off the bridge and stay the hell out of my life."_

There was still that stillness when he again looked at the others. The stillness so often found with the expectation of a miracle just before the acceptance of what was to be. He felt a hand placed on his shoulder and felt the gentle squeeze, "I'd suggest you go get some rest, Jim. You've not stopped nor rested for too long."

"Bones, I,"

"Do I have to pull rank on you now? You know good and well I could on medical grounds."

"I also know you won't, Bones. Not yet."

Blue eyes studied him as he looked at his friend and he knew they would be reading him only too well. There were too many times when those same eyes had studied him over the years and somehow known what was going on but this time, he took a breath and shook his head slowly, this time it was so different. He resisted the urge to almost automatically look for those understanding, accepting, reassuring dark eyes he had, for so long, found comfort and reassurance.

 _Was. Were. Was, were, are._ Why he suddenly started to think of the tenses of a verb made him stop. Spock was always so exact with what he said. To have said "we were friends, we were almost brothers", to have used "were" could, he suddenly felt a surge of energy and hope, be the message. Were did not mean what they had was gone, was over. "I, I have to go. No questions. Scotty, beam me to the Vulcan embassy and take the com."

Sphin had met him as soon as the guards announced his presence and there had been a look of surprise yet also pleasure on the young man's face. "He is in the final stage of the fever and has called for you. He has not called out your full name nor your rank, just Jim. I wanted to contact you but it was not my place. I was aware of how close you two were and that it was not his choice to leave the Enterprise. All he said when I inquired about when he would return to the ship was that it was your decision as to what would happen as all that was important was that he had to prove you did not order an attack on a freighter and that your actions had been influenced by ingested and inhaled substances administered by one seeking your position. I will take you to him but you are not to speak nor touch him until he makes the first move to consciously touch you or talk with you."

"He isn't alone,"

"No," Sphin stopped outside a door, "as you will see a sentry is with him and will be there with us till the end, whichever way that is to be."

Spock lay on a bed in a dimly lit room. The sentry nodded when he entered and moved so that he could sit beside the bed on the one chair in the room. He was only marginally aware that Sphin had entered the room and stood with the sentry against the opposite wall giving them some privacy.

Even if he had never been in the room before there was no mistaking that this was the room that Spock used. There was the computer and multiple piles of discs and memory sticks as well as three photos: one of him with his parents, one of him with the six of them, and one of just the two of them. Folded neatly on a chest at the foot of the bed was his uniform.

His uniform. To be disposed of or worn again? The hardest thing for Kirk was to hear the strained breathing and not being able to touch his friend, to reassure him, to comfort him. What made it worse was knowing it was due to him not listening to his friend when he had first raised his concerns about Wardbeing so demanding of his time. His irrational verbal attack so full of distrust and vitriol.

He closed his eyes and shook his head. Those words he had said to this special being and the way he had said them had caused this. They had cut so deeply into the core of his friend. Friend. I need friends like Wade. Ward had used him, made him believe he could trust the person who had kept quiet that one time about him altering the Kobayashi Maru test, had played on the fact that had he not been a real friend he would not have maintained his silence and he would not be where he was.

All the time Ward had been drugging him, making commanding the ship seem so hard, making him rely on him the way he had before. Wardhad been the one who had used him to stop Spock questioning his real motives. Ward had so expertly turned him against the one he so relied on, the one being who knew him better than any other living thing, the one who had stood by him for times uncounted.

It had been the third time he heard it that he opened his eyes and looked at Spock to see him looking at him, "Jim?" As he heard his name again he also heard the pain, the confusion, and the fear he was responsible for in this being who seldom acknowledged or gave voice to his emotions. While so many emotions raged in himself Jim Kirk knew for the sake of his friend he could not, at this moment in this place before these two others, say nor do what he wanted to. Calming himself using the methods Spock had helped him learn so long ago, he said, "I am here, Spock."

A hand reached out tentatively and when Kirk looked from it to his friend's face he saw something he had not seen before when it was just them, uncertainty, fear of rejection, and something else he was not sure he was seeing. The more he looked the more he was sickened at what he had done to this special person, that look that was a plea for understanding and forgiveness. He should be the one asking for any form of forgiveness and understanding yet he knew he had to find some way to first forgive himself. He reached out and took the long fingers between his hands, "I am here, Spock."

"I, I was uncertain if, if you would come." It was clear talking was straining him yet it was also obvious he was determined to talk, "My, my arrogant presumptive, use of the past continuous. I ask, ask for forgiveness, forgiveness for my possessive. I, I do have inner conflict but, but not in this.. I tire," the fingers between his hands gripped his hand, "Jim, I, I wished you to know, to understand that I, I,"

"Spock, I need you to trust me." It seemed natural that he should talk as he moved the hand in his hands toward his head and started to place the fingers in well-known positions. "I need you to know the truth."

"No. No, Jim. Risk to you."

"I accept the risk, Spock. You have to know the truth."

"I know,"

"No, I want both of us to know all of the truth, Spock."

"Jim,"

"We once said there were no secrets, Spock. I want you to see and know that is still how it is."

"First I will allow you to see it is so with me."

What had once been a strange experience for Kirk was not so foreign now. It was still a great gift and he felt honored for his friend to allow him to see his version of all that had happened, from how he had been suspicious of Ward from when he had come aboard after deliberately shaking Wade's hand, believing that there was something revengeful about the man, some egoistic drive about Ward that had to do with taking his place on the ship, a desire to make him feel helpless and for the crew to doubt his leadership. Kirk saw how, although Spock had never seen Ward give him any drugs, there had been a change that could only be chemically induced for when Spock had questioned him about his relationship with Ward he had so violently reacted. _You know nothing about what real friends will do, will go through for each other. Unlike you I need friends. You really have no idea, no clue as to how far friends will go for one another, what they will do, what they will endure for one another as to you the whole concept of friendship is illogical. Now get off the bridge and stay the hell out of my life._ There was a flicker of shock, surprise, pain. Jim but it Jim. Leaving a message in the talking stone and taking the other. To the rooms at the Vulcan Embassy, to rest, messages to the five others asking for copies of all records and readings on the ship and Jim from when Captain Ward came aboard and on a six hourly basis. Five puzzling readings before destruction of freighter. That was the reason for the readings apparent. Sphin bothering him about needing to eat and rest but told Jim and the ship were at risk. Body and mind need rest and replenishment but need to protect the ship and Jim over-rides all else. Send Sphin with second talking stone. Tired. Send messages to the five others. Present findings to Command - said they had questions about Captain Wade's actions prior to putting him on the Enterprise. Used Jim. Command had new First Officer and Science Officer for Enterprise. Good officers. So very tired. Waves of weakness. Long discussions with Command about findings. They will both investigate and act. k to the compound and collapse. Forbid Sphin to inform others or to allow any visitors to see him unless Jim came alone. Still so very tired. Can now go. Jim has career, reputation, and ship. Can go now.

Kirk felt a slight movement and then panic as he realized Spock was trying to back out of the meld, Spock had only wanted to know he was safe, that he had his ship and career.

He leaned into the fingers, letting Spock know if he were going to die that they both would but Spock abruptly pulled away, breaking contact.

"Jim, you must go. I,"

"You said I could show you my mind after you showed me yours. I have to show you the truth."

There was that slight smile that said so much. For a moment Kirk just sat and looked at his friend. He no longer felt the guilt he had, he no longer wanted to do physical damage to Wade, he no longer felt the shame, he. Spock gave a slight nod, "I, I did it. A thing I learned from you. Misdirection. I know the truth, Jim. You, you forget the abilities of even a half, a half-Vulcan mind." There was the echo of the smile as Spock closed his eyes, said "It is done.", and went still.

Through the haze of uncertainty he heard Sphin say, "If he means to you what you say you will remember what he last called you before the fever took hold, what he said to you before and react to it."

Before. Before what? The stone. The last thing. Carefully he took both of Spock's hands in his, sat on the bed and leaned over him till their faces were only millimeters apart, "You, Spock, are my not just my Science Officer and First Officer, as far more importantly you are my best friend, you are my t'hy'la. I am who and what I am only because of you. There are five friends on the Enterprise waiting for us, Spock. I cannot go back to them without you. No, a sad replica of who I am can go back without you but it would be a soulless thing just going through the motions of living but it will not be alive. I need you, Spock." He was still and quiet for a moment, "When I step onto that bridge, or anywhere else for that matter, as Captain James T. Kirk I need and want the best First Officer and best Science Officer in any fleet with and beside me as well as my friend." Kirk took a deep breath and gripped the hand in his, "When I leave that bridge and am Jim Kirk I want and need my best friend beside me as well as my t'hy'la physically with me and I am so damned lucky or blessed as you are those two precious things in one."

Slowly Kirk released one hand, placing it on Spock's chest, then, still holding Spock's other hand, moved back to sit on the bed, let out a long sigh, and sat on the bed leaning on the bed looking at Spock's face. "If, if you want to leave, Spock, I can not stop you and would not if I could, not after how I treated you. While I want you back I do not deserve it after what I said to you. No one should ever say those things to their best friend and their t'hy'la. I am just going to sit here till you decide to either leave me or stay with me."

Time had no real meaning, all that mattered was that slow breathing, that slow raise and fall of the sheets indicating Spock was still with him. Jim Kirk knew he should be highly annoyed that Spock had wasted energy during the meld to ease his mental anguish rather than conserving the energy he needed. He should be yet he realized that to Spock it would have been the only logical thing to do. It was what he had done at least six times before.

Sphin briefly left the room and came back in, followed by Uhura, Sulu, Chekov, McCoy, and Scotty. They stood by the foot of the bed just looking at Spock and Kirk and Kirk knew that Sphin had told them they could come in but where to stand and to be quiet. After about five minutes they, one by one, walked up and placed their hand on the long-fingered hand resting on Spock's chest, then leaving. Only McCoy hesitated and, instead of just placing his hand on Spock's , slightly gripped the hand, closed his eyes, took a deep breath that he slowly let out before opening his eyes, glancing briefly at Kirk, then rubbed his thumb four times on the back of Spock's hand before leaving. Sphin followed them out and Kirk nodded his thanks as he knew they would have wanted to at least see Spock.

In the main reception area Sphin looked at the five he had studied at the hearing and who he had come to know as well as one could know illogical and emotional Humans of brief acquaintanceship. "If you are not required on the ship you are most welcome to stay in the small reception room. I know that when Ambassador Sarek and Lady Amanda are here you have often been guests here and I see no logical reason why, at this time, you should not be guests. I have told the other staff that you will be here for some time and they will prepare what Humans call snacks and non-alcoholic beverages. The comm unit has been set so that for the duration of your stay it does not record nor save conversations and is for your use. I will advise you of any changes in Spock's condition."

"I speak for the group here, Sphin, in thanking you for your hospitality in inviting us and letting us see Spock." McCoy saw the other all nod, "as well as allowing us to stay and providing so much for us. We would also like to thank the rest of the staff for being accommodating."

"I am honored and am certain the rest of the staff are also honored. If you will excuse me I will go ensure the refreshment is being prepared."

Kirk was still looking at Spock trying not to think of the reality of a life without him. So many events from their past came to him, so many times when they had faced death together. That had been what made this so hard. All those times it had been together. Only a few moments ago he could not imagine being on the Enterprise without Spock and now to think of a life without him was almost too much. Being aware of how his friend could feel emotions through touch he tried not to think of Spock not being with him. As soon as he could he would tell Command he did not need those two officers. If Spock needed more time he would find a way to delay their next mission till Spock was ready. Command owed him a few,

"Jim?" it was almost a whisper yet it filled Kirk with hope.

Quickly and gently he squeezed the hand in his, "I'm right here, Spock."

"I ask for forgiveness. I was,"

"I am the one who seeks your forgiveness for what I said to you. For what I did to you."

"I left you, Jim. I knew he was doing, doing something to you and I left, I left you.."

"No. You did not leave me, Spock. I sent you away, Spock. After all those vile words I said to you I send you away."

For a moment Spock was quiet as he looked at Kirk then nodded, "I, I believe you have two, two new officers to fill, fill my positions."

"I have been told there are two I am to meet with but if you are willing to forgive me and come back."

It was all Kirk could do not to laugh when he saw an eyebrow arc, "Did you not sign, sign me off the Enterprise?"

Kirk smiled back as he could tell Spock was breathing better, stronger, and sounded more like himself, "I think exposing all that Ward did, all he has done, and all your work showing how he did it to me, will have them see that we are a team and also we do have a bit of a reputation out there you know."

"Command is not easily swayed, Jim."

A movement momentarily caught Kirk's attention and he saw Sphin and the sentry leave the room. Clearly they knew this was a private matter.

"I know that, Spock, which is why I have left a message there to say that should you want to return to the Enterprise and they say no that," for a moment Kirk paused unsure of how his friend would react then looked into the dark understanding eyes, "they would have to promptly find a new captain as I would immediately resign."

* * *

A/N Thanks for reading. Looks like a beautiful day outside - till you step out from the protection of the building and into that blast freezer blowing through from Antarctica: what's it racing to - a holiday in the tropics or something? . Tries to think positively - only eight more weeks till autumn. . . . Gotta clear some stuff out for local school's big garage sale - no telling what I may find in the old shed for them. Take care and HAVE FUN!


	6. Chapter 6

The hand in his tightened and Kirk saw the surprise then panic and finally the calm certainty in those eyes he saw so much in that others did not. " **No!** Jim, no. You cannot do that. You were born to be the captain of the Enterprise, it is your ship, it is your destiny, it is,"

"It is nothing without you beside me, on that bridge and off it. It is a starship, it may be the best in the fleet but for me it would be nothing without us as a team."

"Are you forgetting to consider McCoy and the others?"

"They would understand, Spock. They would,"

Sphin reentered the room and looked at Kirk, "You have a rather urgent message from an Admiral Devoy at Command, Captain Kirk. You may use the comm unit in the main reception room although the others are still here or there is,"

Kirk looked at Spock and saw the answer, "The reception room is fine, i have nothing to hide from my friends.'

"I will stay with Spock."

Kirk felt his hand being squeezed, "Go, Jim. I must speak with Sphin."

Devoy. Devoy, it took him a moment to remember that he had been one of the panel. Devoy had been the quietest one on the panel, the one who watched the most and seemed to read him more than then others.

While it had surprised Kirk that Command should have tracked him down as that could only mean a mission it had not surprised him that the five others were still there. He knew that Spock was closer to him than he was to the others but Spock had always considered them part of a team as well and it was clear what they all thought of him.

"This is James Kirk."

"Good to hear from you, Captain, and to know that Mister Spock is feeling better. While we do have officers who could be considered worthy of being your First Officer and your Science Officer we have been informed that should any officer but Mister Spock be given those positions we would likely face the difficulty of finding a new Helmsman, Navigator, Chief Engineer, Communications Officer fluent in at least six sound and tone only languages, and Chief Medical Officer as well as, at last count, two hundred and fifteen regular officers as they have all notified us that they would resign."

Just for a moment Kirk put his hands on the desk and leaned forward closing his eyes. He had always known the crew respected Spock and that Spock was always encouraging and helping them to be more than they were, to learn more, and to enjoy what life had to offer more while being that damned perfectionist of a Vulcan behind that facade of Vulcan non-emotion.

"Upon rereading your papers transferring Mister Spock off the Enterprise we noticed, or should I say we had pointed out to us, that nowhere on the document do you use any word or words that could mean or be taken to mean that such a transfer was to be permanent. Your words were, when analyzed, that at the end of the trial you would again require, and I quote, " _An officer who could be both an outstanding Science Officer with advanced knowledge in all the sciences and a First Officer unafraid to confront an enraged being and to provide precise and logical methods to solve a multitude of complex problems._ " Is that correct?"

"I cannot remember the exact words but at that time that would be what I would have stated. I was not in a,"

"Captain, we have also reviewed, again as advised, your state of mind at the time from your medical records as well as depositions from five key witnesses. The Board has decided to ask you if you still wish that request to be granted or if you wish it to be ignored and deleted from your and his records and for Mister Spock to be recorded as still the First Officer and Science Officer of the Enterprise."

It seemed to take a long time before he could speak. They would delete it from his and Spock's records. **Delete it**. Just as Spock had buried deep in his mind the words he had said to him, they would do more than bury that request. It would not show on any record but would be tagged at Command as a request denied as made under duress. "I would appreciate it if Mister Spock could return to his position and if the request could be deleted."

"Good. Considerate it done. You have no idea how relieved we are as there is no better crew than what you have, Kirk, and we know it is because of the leadership team you and Mister Spock are as well as the relationship you have with not only your key personnel but also your entire crew. You should know, Kirk, that we were at first all stunned by the request but, upon reviewing the medical reports and Captain Ward's history, it was easy to see it was ego and revenge. A thorough review is now being done as to Captain Ward's previous promotions. What this unfortunate incident has done is brought to light just how we must take greater care in the promotion of officers and to take care in not better questioning transfers of senior officers."

"Thank you, Sir."

"You are not due to receive your next orders for seventy-two standard hours. Devoy out."

For a moment Kirk just stood looking at the comm unit. Things were going to be as they were, things were going to go back to normal. "We have been informed". "We had pointed out to us". Slowly he turned and looked at the five officers who stood looking at him. One of them had contacted Command. **No.** He looked at them, one of them had **challenged** Command. Sulu was a quiet one who would not announce his actions ahead of time, Kirk smiled as he realized Chekov would have had a different approach, and Scotty would have used questionable language. He concentrated on looking between Uhura and McCoy.

"I don't suppose any of you want to tell me who contacted Command." when there was silence he waved an index finger between McCoy and Uhura. "If I were to guess I would say it was you two who informed them and pointed out to them. Do you realize,"

"How much Jim wanted to do just that?" Kirk saw the smiles on the faces looking at him as he spun to see Spock standing in the doorway in a Vulcan robe, saw how he gave the others a nod and then looked at him. "How often have we, you and I, also challenge Command's decisions with, with regard to the command crew?"

"What the devil do you think you are doing out of bed? Get him a chair before he collapses," McCoy had started moving even as Kirk turned his head to see Spock standing in the doorway. For a few seconds Kirk just stood and saw the teamwork he was so used to with these people. McCoy got to Spock and supported him by one arm while Scotty took Spock's other arm, Sulu got a chair, Uhura grabbed some cushions, and Chekov got a glass of spiced water.

"Tis grand ta see ya, Lad. Will be even better when ye are back on the ship."

"I look forward to being back on the ship, Mister Scott."

"I have received for you from my grandmother's son's wife's great-grandmother a copy of her great-grandfather's father's diary about how the admiralty fought wars back then."

"Chehov, I will be interested to read the strategies used in old Earth history from firsthand reports."

"You, you may have to wait a few hours before you can used your quarters, Sir."

"I would expect that to be the situation as it would have been used," Spock stopped as he had seen something about the helmsman's mouth and eyes that puzzled him as it was what he associated with guilt yet humor.

"Nobody used your quarters."

"Mister Sulu, am I to assume there is a reason you seem so certain?" The others were all looking at him but Sulu was only aware of how Spock was looking at him.

"I," he quickly glanced at Kirk and then back at Spock, "I sort of misguided Ward about your quarters." The only reaction was a raised eyebrow but it was enough.

"After you left I entered your quarters and used some of the traditional oils and diffusers which I was aware would cause acute irritation to the eyes and lungs if one did not the correct other essential oil to combat the effects."

McCoy laughed, "So that's why those three came to me with rashes, coughs, and burning eyes stating that Spock's quarters being unsuitable for Humans. You know, you could have told me rather than making me search for a reason."

"I know," Sulu smiled, "but I also know you would not be overly concerned about them as you were far more concerned about what was causing the Captain to act as he was acting." Kirk saw satisfaction on the young officer's face. "It will only take me a few minutes to clean it and make it,"

"I thank you for your consideration, Sulu, but I am quite able to clean my own quarters although your assistance would be appreciated as I am aware you would not have placed the diffusers in easy to access positions."

"I, I may have said to a few here and on the ship how if you did not come back as First Officer and Science Officer to the Enterprise then I would resign rather than serve knowing those in power really do not care about keeping together those who have faced so much together, have sacrificed so much together, and mourned and celebrated so so much together as a unit as it just would not be right. I may have said to certain senior officers at the hearing as well as to others on the ship that to split the command team of this ship would be a dazzling display of asinine stupidity to break up a team that has been through all that we have and all that you and the Captain have been through together out there representing the Federation as well as Starfleet. So many of the crew agreed with me that it would not be right, not after not only all we have been through but also how you perfectly complement each other, how," Uhura had been looking at both of them but turned her head to look just at Spock, "how you two belong together."

For a long time Spock and Uhura just looked at each other and he saw that she was more than willing to have fulfilled that threat. No, he saw she did not see it so much as a threat as a promise. Command was aware of how skilled she was in so many languages. In the end they both just nodded and he said, "Agreed, Lieutenant."

For a moment there was silence then, almost as one, six heads turned and twelve eyes stared at McCoy who looked back at them and saw the friendship that he had always found there as well as the silent " _What-did-you-say-or-do?_ " question about their expressions.

"What are you doing all looking at me like that for? I have been around that hobgoblin-disguised walking computer far too long not to be effected by his exactness for words. All I did was express my concern as the what actions the Captain may have taken when under the influence of the drugs and when they said he had sent that request I asked them to read it to me. I had them read it again as I needed to hear it word by word pointing out I was listening for a word I did not hear the first time. I then pointed out to them Jim had not used the word 'permanently' nor any word that could substitute for it." McCoy shook his head, "How anybody can get to their rankings and still not think is beyond me. I then asked them to read it again and to think of how long the two parties had served together and how it was proven Jim had been drugged. To think of how that tirade was due to the drugs and how that request was also made while Jim was under the influence of those same drugs. And for them to tell me where exactly it said anything about Mister Spock being permanently signed off the Enterprise." For a moment blue eyes looked into dark eyes then McCoy nodded, "I may have added that should they not keep the team together by having you back where you belong I would resign as I would spend the rest of my career questioning not only the mental state of those giving any of the orders at Command but also requesting a medical evaluation of the officer giving the orders to ensure they were for sound mind at the time the orders wee issued."

"Doctor McCoy, while that was rather verbose I find I cannot express how impressed I am that, that our hours together have given you such an appreciation for questioning how, how another might read what one has written when the writer's mental state at the time is in doubt. I was equally impressed by your ability, ability to put the fear not only of the gods but also in time wasted with needless, needless medical examinations that would have to be done after a request was made into those at Command. I, I am thankful not only for what you did to secure my return but mostly for all the care you gave to Jim and, and all the reports you sent me." Kirk looked from Spock to McCoy and back to Spock and noted how they were just looking at one another and he was sure the other four were seeing what he was, two men who were having a private conversation, and who would do almost anything for one another except admit publicly, and possibly even to each other, how much they really cared abut one another.

Finally McCoy nodded then looked at the others, "Well, I don't know about you but I want too get him back to the ship and give him a thorough check-up." He turned and raised a finger as Spock was about to speak, "Not. A. Word. I do not like the amount of weight you've lost so fast and I'd bet you've not stopped to sleep. I imagine if I asked Sphin what you have been eating he would say what I suspect, nothing."

Slowly Spock started to stand, "I had more important matters to," McCoy was at his side and helping him sit as he started to sway.

"Well, don't be just standing there. Help me get him to the ship."

Sphin and the security guard appeared almost before the others moved and McCoy looked at him, "Thank you for your great assistance but I believe he should get back to the ship."

"I shall arrange for the few things he came with to be sent to the ship."

Uhura stepped forward, "Why not bring them up to the ship? Have either of you been on a Federation Constitution-class starship?"

Only having known and studied Spock as he had let Kirk and the others see the excitement flash across the faces of Sphin and the security officer. "That would be greatly appreciated. It should not take us more than two standard hours to be ready."

"By that time Spock will be resting in his own quarters." There was no way anybody seeing the look McCoy gave Spock could mistake the threat if the Vulcan spoke.

"We will contact you." both Vulcans left the room.

Although he would never admit it Spock was very grateful for the support, both physically and just by their presence, of the others as they returned to the ship. He nodded back to the officers in the transporter room and heard the officer have the corridors to Sickbay cleared as they were stepping down from the platform. When they got to Sickbay Kirk had helped Spock onto the examination bed and had wanted to stay but McCoy reminded him that his place, and that of the other four, was on the Bridge and in Engineering getting ready for whatever the next mission was to be. He reassured them that they could see Spock later as he needed some attention and a lot of rest but most importantly was home. Both Nurse Chapel and Doctor M'Benga welcomed him back before leaving having set the room for McCoy the way he liked it when dealing with this difficult patient.

It only took a few minutes to give Spock the examination he had wanted to and when he looked at Spock he smiled, "All I am going to do it give you an injection of an array of minerals and vitamins your system needs right now," McCoy held up a hypo for Spock to see before pressing it against his arm, "and, after our guests have been and seen you I will see you and give you some more minerals and vitamins as well as something to help you sleep and don't start that spiel about Vulcans not needing as much sleep or rest as Humans."

McCoy saw the ghost of a smile touch Spock's eyes and lips before he said, "Leonard, I thank you for all you care and concern. I was not going to comment on the difference between Vulcan and Human biological needs as I am aware you know them all too well. I am only too aware of how I am in need of rest and sleep. I also wish to once again thank you for sending me,"

'I have to admit when you asked for samples from Jim's mouth, stomach, intestines, and liver as well as stools and urine I thought you were out of your Vulcan mind but,"

"I am quite sure you would have thought of testing them in time, Doctor, but I was also aware at the time that you might have been watched by one who would report to Ward if you were to study them. Might I ask what reason you gave?"

"I asked them if they knew of the medical protocol expected by Command when one senior officer declares another senior officer unfit for command and when they said they did not know I knew I would not be questioned by them. Jim was suspicious but I said I just wanted to double check my findings."

McCoy grinned when he saw an eyebrow arc, "McCoy, I was unaware that such tests as I asked you to do were par of Command's medical protocol."

"I did not say it was, Spock, I only asked if they knew it."

"To paraphrase something you often say to and about me, Doctor." McCoy saw the ghost of a smile touch both the Vulcan's eyes and lips, "You cunning little old country doctor."

"Okay, enough chit-chat. I'll escort you to your quarters."

"Doctor there is," Spock started to stand and found himself sitting back down as he felt some imbalance, then felt a hand on his shoulder, "a certain wisdom in what you suggest. I may,"

"Wait a minute," McCoy moved to his comm unit, "McCoy here, Uhura, could you get the corridors between Sickbay and Spock's quarters cleared for fifteen standard minutes?"

"Bones, do you,"

"We will be fine, Jim, just need the corridors cleared as he may have to lean on me now and then as he has some dizzy spells that are nothing to be concerned about."

"Doctor McCoy, corridors are clear. Oh, tell Spock that Sulu has cleared his quarters and it is back to normal atmosphere."

"Thank you, Uhura. I'll let you know when he is in his quarters, Jim. McCoy out."

Only four times on the short trip to his quarters did Spock find he needed the support of McCoy and was about to protest when they got to his quarters and McCoy started to remove his boots but McCoy had looked at him, "You telling me you wear your boots under the blanket? Now lean back on your bed and let me do this."

Reluctantly Spock lay down on his bed and let McCoy removed his boots and was momentarily surprised when McCoy had not only removed his boots but massaged his feet. It was a most unusual but not unpleasant sensation. He reached out and McCoy took his hand and Spock saw the friendship in the blue eyes that looked back at him. Very slowly, as he felt his own body relaxing, he rubbed his thumb four times on the back of McCoy's hand, saw the startled surprise and then McCoy's smile before he released McCoy's hand and closed his eyes. Gradually Spock allowed himself to totally relax, clear, he realized, as a reaction to McCoy's massage, and was asleep when McCoy gently covered him with a blanket, set the alarm to awaken him in an hour, dimmed the lighting, and left.

As he walked away from Spock's quarters McCoy smiled to himself as he looked at the hand Spock had held while rubbing the back of it. That cunning little Vulcan had been aware of them, him, seeing him when things were uncertain. Everybody was home and all was well. When he walked onto the bridge he walked right up Kirk, aware the others were watching him, "He'll be just fine. Right now he is sleeping and will for a standard hour, have time with our guests, then he will sleep for however long his body needs. If asked, Jim, I would say he'll be fit for regular duty thirty-six hours after our guests leave. I told him that I would give him something after they leave and he did not protest so that let me know if I get him started in a restorative sleep that Vulcan clock of his will see he gets the sleep he needs which, going on past events, is usually about thirty-six standard hours."

"Good to know, Bones, as after our guests leave I am having the bridge crew get some sleep as well." Kirk saw how the four others looked at him, "I include myself in that bridge crew as I feel we **all** need several hours of sleep to fully recover from the events of the last few days. Devoy said we could expect orders in seventy-two standard hours but we know how too often the unexpected happens. I want to thank you all for your help with,"

"That Ward might have thought he was smart, Sir, but he knew nae about this ship and her crew. At first I wondered why Spock wanted daily reports on the engines when he was not on the ship and when McCoy said he wanted daily reports on you I knew something was afoot."

"Sulu, Chekov and I were all at first surprised when we heard from him asking for access to our computers and then got in contact with our relief officers from the ship to send to our computer daily reports of all action." Uhura smiled and shook her head, "He was off the ship yet still a part of the ship."

'I cannot speak for the others but when I got a message and small gift from him I got a feeling," Sulu closed his eyes for a moment and shook his head, "I thought he was saying goodbye."

"Me too. I thought that and only him telling me in his message to me not to take any action apart from to better myself and those I care about stopped me from killing that, that, not even a Cossack would do what that did."

"Aye, well we are all here and have the lad back home with us. Will be grand to show Sphin and that wiry sentry about the ship and then things will be as they should be. I do have to talk with the lad about something he noted about me bairns but will wait till the lad has had that sleep."

Kirk looked at McCoy, "That was a good gesture on your part, Bones, to invite them aboard the ship for a tour."

"Sphin wants to be a doctor and I thought he might like to see what we have here. As to the sentry, I just know about that insatiable curiosity of the Vulcans and had a feeling he might like to see the inside of the ship."

It was five hours after saying farewell to their two guests when McCoy went to check on six friends and was pleased they were all sleeping. As he briefly stood looking at Spock he could have sworn he heard that beloved baritone voice in his head saying, "All is well with the brood, go get some sleep, mother hen."

 **-FIN-**

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A/N Thanks for reading. That's that one and I dread to look in the box and see how many left to go but do know these were done in the early days as later ones not only more detailed but also more complex/involved and more like the original series. Hope it was okay. Gonna be away/not retyping any more for about 4 - 6 weeks - oh, joy - medical/community/family commitments. **TAKE** **CARE** and **HAVE** **FUN** **.**


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